I remember one of my favorite things to say to my three older kids when they were growing up was, “Be nice.” Sometimes it felt nearly impossible to get through a day without a major crisis unfolding between two or all three of them. The oldest would pop the youngest over the head. Then, the secondborn (a daughter) would take great delight in getting her two brothers in trouble. And the third-born relished in the fact that he had it a bit easier than his two older siblings. Now, with a fourth one that came a full 15 years after our third, you know there is a lot of “you didn’t do that for us” going around.
Well, I confess, there’s truth to that statement, but we learn as we go, don’t we? While we were waiting for our first child to be born, I remember thinking how I would do everything better than everyone else. I am not sure why I thought this. I knew how I wanted to raise my child in a certain way that was better than everyone else’s. I was sure my household would be quiet and peaceful, with the laundry always folded, dinner on the table, and everyone being nice.
Be nice when life is stupefying
Fast forward 10 years after my first child, and I found myself up to my neck in raising children. I was living abroad, and somehow working as a full-time missionary in Africa. I do not know how I made it through those days with my mind still somewhat intact (that is intact is debatable). The amount of work that just goes into running a household in the developing world is stupefying. There is no fast food (thankfully), no quick place to shop (you go to the marke,t which is an all-day ordeal), and keeping the house clean is a whole other post for another day.
All of this doesn’t take into account the mission’s and the church’s work. At the end of every day (much like you, wherever you are), both then and now, I wonder how I made it, how I continue to make it, and how I follow my own counsel to “be nice.” I wasn’t always as nice as I had hoped to be. But I always worked on it and am still working on it.
Righteousness covered in ugliness
In the current supercharged world of “speaking our minds,” many have forgotten the need for Christians to be nice and kind to each other. Everywhere we look these days, be it online, TV, print, or in person, there’s a strong negative current embedded within the mantra to “speak up for what is right.”
We are ambassadors of the Kingdom and our righteous King. But we won’t convince anyone of their need for Christ if our righteousness is covered in ugliness. No matter the situation, Scripture is clear: we must be nice.
Society has always been ugly, humanity has always been divided, and the church can’t fulfill its mission when it looks, acts, and speaks like the world. Whatever happened to following Jesus advice to “Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:29 NLT)
It’s good for you to be nice
Have you ever noticed how exhausting it is to force change with anger or frustration? I wonder how many ulcers and high blood pressure problems could be averted by simply being nice. It’s actually good for you to be nice, even Mayo clinic says so (click on the link).
I learned this truth the hard way years ago, serving here on the continent when I saw much hunger, injustice, and unnecessary death. I worked myself to the bone trying to bring change. No matter how hard I worked, no matter how many hungry and vulnerable children I fed, there were still more that needed feeding. Despite my best efforts, people still went hungry. I became tired and bitter about my situation and the unfairness of it all. That is, until one day, after sickness forced me to rest, I understood that anything pulling me from Jesus’ yoke that gives me rest is not His will for me.
In a fallen world, what is your motive and method?
Over time I began to understand that this fallen world is full of sin. It is impossible to deal with sin on our terms. Anger, frustration, overworking, and self-righteousness pull us away from His way to address man’s fallen nature by just being nice. The response of humanity to the message of the cross is not my responsibility. I am only responsible to bring the Good News. As long as there is sin in the world, there will be division, injustice, and pain.
This doesn’t mean we don’t speak the truth. Scripture clearly instructs us, “Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.” (Ephesians 4:15 NLT)
What is our motive for speaking out, and what is our method? If our motive is love for those we see lost in sin, then our methods will align with Scripture. Otherwise, we are only adding fuel to the fire of division instead of bringing Christ in to redeem the situation.
How has it worked so far?
How has frustration and anger over the sinfulness of this world worked for us thus far? Jesus walked this fallen earth and was seldom seen showing outright anger and frustration to the world. He had come to save the world, not condemn the world (see John 3:17). His frustration was seen in the temple, among the “righteous.“ Those who were too busy enriching themselves to reach out to those who really needed help, the people outside of the temple (for us this can be taken to mean the church).
Let it go and be nice
My youngest daughter loves the movie, “Frozen“ and the theme song, “Let it go.” I rarely spiritualize animated movies, but today I will make an exception. Those things frustrating you, those unfair, unrighteous, unholy, difficult things that anger you – let them go. Take Jesus’ yoke on you; He is the only One qualified to measure out judgment. Now is the time to be the church in the world, speak in love, and, simply put, be nice.
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Recommended reading:
I have read Thriving in Babylon: Why Hope, Humility, and Wisdom Matter in a Godless Culture by Larry Osborne, and it challenged me to live in peace while surrounded by a world that runs counter to nearly everything I believe. Through Daniel’s example, Osborne shows that God’s people do not need to fight every battle to remain faithful. Instead, humility, wisdom, and steady character allow us to stand firm without creating unnecessary conflict. This book is a timely reminder that how we live often speaks louder than what we say. Highly recommend!
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