Well, that happened fast. I’m talking about our fourth-born daughter, Andreya. We went to an open day, holding hands, and left with the understanding that soon we would have to let go. The visit was to a university she’s considering after finishing high school next year. As a creative soul, she fell in love with the school. Its halls are bright and colorful, lined with inspirational pictures and quotes. Her eyes lit up while talking with the advisor, and I could tell she was already imagining herself there.
If she ends up attending, the learning environment will match her style perfectly: vibrant, expressive, and full of life. Her notebooks are already full of color and hand-drawn illustrations, so this place feels like a natural extension of who she is.
However, she’s still in the valley of decision, fluctuating between wanting to be a designer of some kind, a music major (the girl can sing), or even stepping into conservation. We’ll likely visit another university or two as she explores these possibilities.
Somewhere in the overlap is your calling
But if this first visit taught us anything, it’s that she knows the how of her studying. She wants to be in an environment that’s alive, colorful, and full of inspiration, a place that feels as creative as she is.
She has a wide range of interests, I know, but two of the three flow strongly with her creative side. I’m not pushing her in any direction because I want her to have the freedom to explore her options; this will be her choice to make.
The advice I’ve given her is simple: first, ask what passion God has placed in your heart. Second, consider whether your natural talents dovetail with that passion. Somewhere in the overlap of those two things is often where calling begins to take shape.
These kinds of questions usually make her sigh heavily 😂. I know I can be a bit of a bore with my advice, but I also remember what it was like to stand at that stage of life, unsure of which direction to take.
Raising a family after war
Maybe part of why I think this way comes from my background. My parents were Finnish immigrants who moved to the USA after World War II. They lived through difficulties that most of us can hardly imagine. My mom didn’t see her father for five years after he went off to serve in the war. And my dad had to evacuate his home as a very young child during a Russian invasion of eastern Finland.
They both had traumatic childhoods that shaped their outlook for the rest of their lives.
My mother and father didn’t have the luxury of making many choices for their futures, except for their decision to move to the USA in search of greener pastures. They met and married in New York and began to dig a life out of the ground. I can say that my father, who didn’t even have a high school diploma, worked hard as a carpenter to raise his family and was a success in that endeavor. Mom stayed home to raise the children. They were traditional, but it worked.
Different mindsets
So they didn’t have the mindset of pursuing passion. Their mindset was one of working hard to make ends meet. When I decided to pursue Bible school and missions, it rattled their world for a while. Their heartbreak was understandable. I was never angry with them for their misunderstanding. However, it did lead to a period of strained relations as they adjusted to my life’s trajectory.
God walked with me as I studied theology and finally got a Master’s Degree in Christian Social Ministry. I love to study and have often thought it would be fun to pursue it further, but I digress. I’m a bit too busy to stop for study.
No, my studies don’t supply a considerable income, as correctly predicted by my parents. However, I don’t rely on my studies for income. Obeying God results in His taking care of me. As such, I’ve always had what I’ve needed and then some just because God loves me.
Raising children to release them
Our children have always gone to school, slept in clean beds with roofs over their heads, and had more than enough food on the table. They’ve never gone without. This doesn’t mean that they haven’t wanted more out of life: more trips to amusement parks, game systems, or the newest gadgets. But I don’t think that having the latest things is necessarily the best thing to give to our children.
Raising children is possibly the most challenging and stretching task we’ll ever face, but it is also one of the most sacred. Watching them grow, guiding them as best we can, and then releasing them into God’s hands, that’s the holy work of parenting.
As we see it, raising our children to obey God is the most significant heritage we can leave them. We don’t have much to leave them as an inheritance at this time, but perhaps things will change in the future. But as of now, we’re pretty simple with our possessions.
Our goal in parenting has always been simple: to raise our children to love God, follow His direction for their lives, love their spouse, and work hard to support themselves. If their lives follow that trajectory, we feel we’ve done our job as parents. Everything else that comes on top of that is just gravy.
Holding hands and letting go
As I watch Andreya step into adulthood and slowly release my hold, letting go, my heart feels sore. It’s not a bad pain, I know that, but it is a real one. This stage of life leaves me a little breathless, because I know what is coming; I’ve already seen it three times with our older children.
She will soar. She will step out to pursue the dreams that God has placed in her heart. While that thought both hurts and thrills me, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
And if I have been successful in pointing her that way, I am satisfied.
