Have you ever felt “un” before? The un feeling can creep up unnoticed at times, leaving us feeling unseen, unwanted, unloved, and more. I’ve struggled with the familiar un on more than one occasion, trying to fit in. Try as I might, I struggle to find the place where I’m not so un.
- Unnoticed – when everyone’s talent pushes them to the forefront, and you feel like simple background noise.
- Unwanted – when it seems your perspective is out of sync with everyone else, and you begin to question yourself.
- Unloved – when loneliness surrounds you and whispers “no one loves you” in your ear.
- Uninvited – when everyone else was wanted at the event, but you were left out.
- Unworthy – when it seems you don’t have the typical “pedigree” for serving God.
Founding member of the un crowd
Growing up as the daughter of Finnish immigrant parents, I am familiar with the un feeling. I was never with the cool kids or the in crowd. I was the founding member and president of the un crowd. During gym class, when teams were selected for dodgeball, I was always the last person chosen and the first one to get out. Honestly, I didn’t mind too much because the stress of possibly getting hit by the dodgeball felt overwhelming. It was a relief to be eliminated first! 😄
The one time I signed up for a sport was in eighth grade. I joined a community softball league; I was excited and also nervous. I was so bad that I rarely played, and when I did, they put me way out in the deepest part of right field, where no one expected the ball to go.
I stood there in right field, holding my specially-made glove for left-handers, because, of course, I was the only lefty on the team. That glove, meant to help me, only made me feel more like a spectacle. My teachers in school had tried to get me to switch to my right hand for years, but it never stuck. So there I stood—left-handed, out of place, and surrounded by grass and silence—feeling every bit as un as ever: unskilled, unnecessary, and unnoticed.
Sunday school
But I didn’t always live under the cloud of un.
Meeting Jesus as a child helped me navigate the un feeling that hounded me growing up. I found in Him what I couldn’t find in the classroom, on the playground, or holding my glove out in right field.
I found that I belonged with Him. To me, God became “the God who sees.”
In Sunday school, where we sang “Jesus Loves Me” every week (for yes, we sang it every week), I found where I fit, where I no longer struggled with the un feeling. I never got tired of the song. I took comfort in the words:
Jesus loves me! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so;
Little ones to Him belong;
They are weak, but He is strong.
The un feeling followed me like a shadow
Outside of Sunday school, I grew up knowing I was part of the un crowd. The un feeling followed me like a shadow—unnoticed by others, maybe, but always close. It whispered in my ear from time to time that I was the ultimate un.
As the years went by and I grew older, I learned to shrug it off. I got good at ignoring it. The whisper became more of a nuisance than a threat, until it wasn’t.
Until I moved overseas as a missionary.
There, in a foreign land with unfamiliar customs and languages, I had a fresh and more painful encounter with the un feeling.
I learned what it meant to feel uninvited, unwise, unwanted, and unworthy.
Uninvited, because not every place or person meets you with open arms. Missionary work rarely comes with a red carpet. More often, it looks like dusty roads, closed doors, and having to prove that your presence is not an intrusion.
Unwise, because to some, serving in difficult places, especially those marked by poverty or unrest, seems reckless or illogical. Well-meaning people asked why we would do this, sometimes with concern, sometimes with disbelief. It made me question myself as well.
Unwanted, because one’s identity becomes blurry. In the U.S., we were too African. In Africa, too American. Straddling two cultures sounds romantic, until you realize it can also mean you don’t fully belong to either. You become the epitome of “un.”
Unworthy, because the weight of the calling can feel overwhelming. The burden of representing God and His Kingdom well weighed heavily on me. When I recognized my own inadequacy, I was humbled. I frequently questioned whether God intended to choose someone else—someone stronger, smarter, and more qualified than I.
The ultimate un
Living and serving in a foreign land has taught me, deeply and sometimes painfully, that without God, I am the ultimate un. Uninvited. Unwise. Unwanted. Unworthy. On my own, I don’t have what it takes. But I have also learned that with Him, I can do anything He calls me to do (see Philippians 4:13). The un feeling still tries to creep in, but it has no place in my walk with God. Not when He has already called, equipped, and accepted me.
God has prepared better things for us than to live beneath the heavy cloud of the un feeling. Through Christ, He has made a way for us to go, do, and become all that is needed, right where He places us, in every season of life.
Micah, a prophet from the Old Testament, understood what it meant to serve in difficult times. He ministered during a period of great unrest, alongside contemporaries like Isaiah and Hosea. Micah prophesied the fall of Israel to Assyria (see Micah 1:6) and directed much of his message toward the injustice and corruption of the powerful and wealthy in Jerusalem and Judah. His world was marked by political turmoil, spiritual compromise, and social inequality. He wasn’t dogged by the un feeling, he spoke boldly for God.
He went so far as to declare that God would take the most unlikely candidates from among the people and raise them to be His remnant.
I shall make the lame a godly remnant
And the outcasts a strong nation;
And the Lord shall reign over them in Mount Zion
From this time on and forever.
Micah 4:7 AMP
God chooses the un people
Do you see the common thread God weaves throughout Scripture? He consistently chooses the un people. The unlikely, the unwanted, the unworthy, the unskilled. (And yes, there are plenty more un words we could add to the list!) But the point is this: God takes those the world overlooks and uses them for His purposes.
So if you’re struggling with the un feeling, take heart. God has better things in mind for you. Your weakness does not limit him, and He’s not surprised by your inadequacy. He knows, He sees, and He still calls.
Take heart today and let go of the un feeling that has you feeling less than. God sees you and in Christ, He has made you more than so you can go, do, and be all that He has purposed for you.
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