For a long time, I dreaded giving reports of the work we do overseas. Not because I’m ashamed or embarrassed. Not at all. I’m amazed at what God has done (cue the old song, Look What the Lord Has Done). He has been faithful year in and year out, doing things beyond my wildest dreams. Yet whenever it came time to share our stories and reports, I felt a knot in my stomach. The dread wasn’t about the work itself. It came from wondering what people would think.
What would they think of me? Would I measure up to their expectations? Would they wonder why God chose someone like me, warts and all?
Feelings of dread
“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”
Ephesians 3:20-21 (ESV)
On the surface, thinking this way seemed to me to be humility. Of course I couldn’t do God’s work and with that understanding I felt that I was being meek in a self-deprecating way.
Look at me, how humble I am. That made me able to face my feelings of dread, at least I was humble about it.
What a mouthful of rubbish! My thinking was nothing more than pride cloaked in false humility.
What I called humility was simply another form of self-preoccupation.
My thoughts revolved around how I appeared, how I measured up, and what others thought of me. I imagined I was being modest, but I was still at the center of the story.
Pride announces itself
Pride does not always announce itself through arrogance. It can hide behind self-deprecation. It can disguise itself as insecurity, convincing us that our weaknesses, failures, and shortcomings deserve our constant attention. No matter its disguise, the focus of pride doesn’t change. The spotlight remains fixed on self.
That is why the fear of man is such a snare. The more we seek acceptanceThe Cure for Restlessness is Rest, How to Let It Go from others, the more aware we become of ourselves. Every compliment matters too much. Every criticism cuts too deeply. Every opportunity becomes a measure of our worth.
“The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.”
Proverbs 29:25 (ESV)
There is no payout to fearing what people say.
Neither is there freedom in making ourselves the center of the story.
Let Him be your dread
When God takes His rightful place in our lives, the opinions of others begin to shrink, and so does our obsession with ourselves. Isaiah puts it this way:
“But the Lord of hosts, Him you shall honor as holy. Let Him be your fear, and let Him be your dread.”
Isaiah 8:13 (ESV)
The fear of man distorts perspective.
The fear of God restores it.
One keeps us occupied with ourselves. The other turns our eyes back to Him.
I finally grew weary of chasing the approval of others and being consumed with myself and surrendered. I gave God what had always belonged to Him: my heart.
It was one of the most freeing decisions I have ever made.
