I was a wallflower

A long time ago, I was a wallflower. I was quiet and kept to myself in a crowd. I’m still like that from time to time. When I’m in a gathering of people for the first time, I’ll keep to myself. But, the more time I spend with a person or group of people, the more relaxed I become. In time, I’m yakking it up just like anyone else, until my social battery runs out. Then, I have to find my way home.

For those of you who have only known me for the past few years, I promise you this is true! 😅 Up until I met and married Jamie, I was a loner for the most part. He encouraged me to open up and now I wonder if he thinks I am too open. While he holds the title for extrovert between us, I can hold my own in a conversation with him. It’s hard to believe that one upon a time I was a wallflower.

Hearing a lot and being unheard

Growing up in my generation meant hearing a lot about women being quiet and meek. I was under the impression that quietness and meekness meant being a wallflower. That I shouldn’t express myself or allow my opinions to be heard. This led to me storing my feelings inside because quietness and meekness meant being unheard.

I wonder if I misunderstood those teachings.

Grinding my gears

In the past week, I have been reading the account of Sarah and Abraham. Theirs is an interesting story. I can’t unpack everything about Sarah and Abraham today. There are more lessons in their story than there is time for me to tell them. But, there is something new (to me) that I found interesting about Sarah.

Abraham was promised a son by God. As the account goes, all in all, Abraham waited 25 years for Isaac to be born. He made a few missteps along the way. And I’m sure I would have done the same, probably worse. Even so, the way Abraham acted towards Sarah a couple of time has always gotten to me. It grinds my gears every time I read it. But this time, as I read about his actions, I understood something I hadn’t seen before.

*Abraham’s original name was Abram and Sarah’s original name was Sarai. God changed their names later on. To make for easier story-telling, I will refer to them as Abraham and Sarah. This way, I do not have to explain it each time I mention them.*

He pawned her off

Early on in the story, when Abraham went to Egypt, he feared for his life. Thinking he would be killed because Sarah was beautiful, he decided to pawn her off as his sister. Yes, I know they were related but the fact remains that Abraham told this half-truth in a deceptive way. Pharaoh (King of Egypt) was taken by the beauty of Sarah as Abraham predicted. He then took her to his house (see Genesis 12:10-16).

I wonder how Sarah felt at that juncture. The Bible doesn’t say that she said anything. She was a wallflower. It seems that she just took the punches that life gave her.

In the next few verses, Pharaoh discovered that Sarah was Abraham’s wife and was angry with Abraham (see Genesis 12:17-20). He was so upset about this that he returned Sarah to Abraham and ordered him to leave.

Still, Sarah didn’t say anything. She was a wallflower after all.

I wonder how she felt

Fast forward to Genesis 20. This was after some time had passed and the covenant had been established. Abraham and his family spent time in an area called Gerar. Gerar was ruled by a king named Abimelech. What did Abraham do even after all he had experienced to that point? Out of fear for his life he again claimed Sarah was his sister. Abimelech then took Sarah to his home.

Predictably, Abimelech found out that Sarah was Abraham’s wife, he was horrified (see Genesis 20:1-18). He hurried to Abraham and restored Sarah to her husband. I wonder how she felt throughout this process. Did she think that no one cared for her life?

Again, Sarah said nothing. She was a wallflower.

She wasn’t perfect

I’m not saying Sarah was perfect. After all, she was the one who initiated Abraham taking Hagar to have a child for her (see Genesis 16:1-15). Interestingly, Abraham didn’t oppose her plan. Oh the tangled webs that we weave when we lack patience. God had already promised Abraham a large family. He said that they would be as many as the stars of the sky (see Genesis 15:1-6). But Sarah intervened when things looked impossible and sent Abraham to Hagar who gets pregnant and gives birth to Ishmael.

Genesis 15 is one of the few places mentioned in the Bible that Sarah said anything.

The Lord took note

In this story, timing is everything. God first promised Abraham a son in Genesis 15. It was after this first promise that Abraham fathered a son with Hagar. Then, in Genesis 17, God again promises Abraham a son and specified he would have a son with Sarah. About 25 years passed before the story reaches the point where Sarah becomes pregnant with Isaac. This occurs in Genesis 21.

”Then the Lord took note of Sarah as He had said, and the Lord did for Sarah as He had promised.”
Genesis 21:1,2 NASB

I love reading that “the Lord took note of Sarah.” It gives me the impression that God turned His head and set His attention on her. She was a wallflower, but she was the one that God took note of.

And Sarah spoke

Then, as both of Abraham’s sons grew together, trouble arose. Sarah noticed Ishmael mocking Isaac. This bothered her. She told her husband to send him and his mother away (see Genesis 21:9,10). I imagine that Sarah was the ultimate helicopter mom of her time. After waiting so long to have a child, she wanted to protect him. She didn’t want anything or anyone to pose a threat to him.

Torn, Abraham spoke with God. God promised to take care of Ishmael. He then instructed him to do “whatever Sarah tells you.”

In reading this story again through Sarah’s eyes today, I understood one thing. While she was a wallflower to those around her, God took note of her. Her few words held weight and meaning. Abraham must have been startled that his wallflower wife spoke as sternly as she did to him. But God was using her to establish Abraham’s lineage.

What is even more astounding is that this story took place in a strictly patriarchal society. In such a society, men’s words were law. But God told Abraham to do “whatever Sarah tells you, listen to her.” And he did. That must have made him the laughing stock of those around him. However, he cared more for God’s opinion than of those around him.

I admire Abraham in a new way today. He understood that God won’t be told who to use. He listened to Sarah.

A reformed wallflower

As a reformed wallflower, I still try to keep my word count low. My prayer is for the words of my mouth to be few – but weighty. May God take note of me as He did with Sarah.