The past few weeks have been harsh. I’m tempted to think, “If this is what the beginning of the year looks like, I’m not looking forward to how the rest of 2024 will unfold.” Before I dig into explaining the bad, I must say that along with the bad, we also experienced a lot of good. We had the special blessing of being with our children and grandchildren over Christmas. It has been nearly 10 years since we celebrated the holidays with our family. It was so special to have time with them this year, and we are grateful.
But in the middle of enjoying the rare blessing of being with our family, we faced personal crises and loss. First, the untimely passing of my father-in-law, as well as having to address the declining health of my own father, who lives in a nursing home,. It has been a painful journey of facing life’s darkest moments and choosing God’s paths instead of our own when, in our minds, it makes no sense.
Unspoken moments of choosing
Just a week after these events, we once again had to prepare to say our goodbyes and return home to Africa. As always, those goodbyes stung, but this time, the sting of saying goodbye was more pronounced than usual. The emotions that we thought we had dealt with in years past resurfaced with a vengeance as we faced being away from loved ones when our hearts ached to be near them.
I remember during the evening of the service for my father-in-law, my granddaughter came to sit with me. She loved the scarf I was carrying and spent long moments wrapping it around her little face. Emotions passed over me in multiple waves, and I felt as if those waves could have easily knocked me over. My eyes passed over all of my children and grandchildren who had come to honor their grandfather. Now time was short, and soon we were going to have to say goodbye.
These are the unspoken moments of choosing God’s path instead of our own. Choosing His path when things look great and when people appreciate what we’re doing. But we also choose His path when things aren’t going well and when people question why we do what we do. We choose Him and His path, even though we sometimes question it ourselves and when it makes no sense. We choose Him.
I hope for the better
In the two days prior to our departure, we felt exceptionally tired and chalked it up to all of the stresses of the previous weeks. Perhaps there was some of that mixed in with our tiredness, but upon our arrival back home, we were more than tired. We were all sick. We hoped it was nothing more than a bad cold. But we thought it would be wise to test for COVID. Indeed, all three of our tests came back positive, and we have been isolating at home ever since. Rest, prayers, and medication are working, and I’m happy to report that we are all now on the upswing. But it is tempting to feel discouraged at times like these.
As the fog of these past weeks begins to lift, I consider giving in to the temptation of feeling overwhelmed. But I have decided that that is too heavy a burden to carry. Instead of bracing for the worst, I have decided to hope for the better. There is no escaping life’s battles, but there is an escape from the temptation to live in dismay.
"But remember this—the wrong desires that come into your life aren’t anything new and different. Many others have faced exactly the same problems before you. And no temptation is irresistible. You can trust God to keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can’t stand up against it, for he has promised this and will do what he says. He will show you how to escape temptation’s power so that you can bear up patiently against it." 1 Corinthians 10:13 TLB
Choosing to escape
The door to escaping these feelings of wanting out is open. I can decide to either walk through the door or sit in the room and allow myself to be overwhelmed again and again. The choice to stay in or get out is mine alone to make, and I choose every day to find that door of escape.
There is, however, something that, when I’ve made the choice for God’s will, is inescapable. The thing I cannot escape from when choosing God is the plan He has prepared for me. When I choose Him, I choose to obey whatever He asks of me. I know, even when I don’t feel it, that His will, His plan for my life, is good and perfect (see Rom. 12:2).
One good thing about isolating while recovering from COVID is having the time to sit down and reconnect with God. The past few days we have spent recovering have been inconvenient. Instead of giving into the temptation of being upset because of the isolation, I am choosing to escape the bother. I’m escaping from isolation and entering into one-on-one time with God. Out of everything that feels wrong at this moment, that makes no sense; this time with Him is what is right. He will someday make sense out of it all.
