“What am I doing here?” It’s a question all of us have, at one time or another, asked ourselves. As I wrote in my now-famous Bollywood entry (no, not so famous, just famous in my mind), I’ve wondered over the years what I am doing here serving as a missionary? What is it that keeps me here? Why do I think that I can qualify?
I don’t come from a family of ministers, nor do I have any natural talents that this world would think could help out in the foreign field. One might think that to qualify for this work, endless degrees and pedigrees would be necessary. While those things aren’t wrong (I do have a couple of degrees behind my name), they aren’t what qualified me to serve in Africa. All I needed to do was say, “Yes,” the day that God called. I didn’t find answering the call difficult. But I found, and still find, explaining the call of church planting to others difficult. This is when I wonder, “What am I doing here?“ and find myself chasing after donkeys.
Looking for lost donkeys
“Then Samuel took a flask of oil and poured it on his head, and kissed him and said: “Is it not because the Lord has anointed you commander over His inheritance? When you have departed from me today, you will find two men by Rachel’s tomb in the territory of Benjamin at Zelzah; and they will say to you, ‘The donkeys which you went to look for have been found. And now your father has ceased caring about the donkeys and is worrying about you, saying, ‘What shall I do about my son?’” 1 Samuel 10:1, 2 NKJV
As you see in the verses above, Saul had been sent by his father to look for his lost donkeys. On the way, he met Samuel, the prophet. In 1 Samuel 9, if you read it, you’ll see that God was sending him to anoint Saul as King over Israel. God directed him step by step along the way until he encountered Saul. Up to this point in his life, Saul was a simple man. It appears that he was actually quite shy and initially a reluctant leader. But Samuel told him that he would be king and that God would turn him into “another man.”
“After that you shall come to the hill of God where the Philistine garrison is. And it will happen, when you have come there to the city, that you will meet a group of prophets coming down from the high place with a stringed instrument, a tambourine, a flute, and a harp before them; and they will be prophesying. 6 Then the Spirit of the Lord will come upon you, and you will prophesy with them and be turned into another man.” 1 Samuel 10:5,6 NKJV
From reluctant leader to king
From that moment, if you continue reading the story in 1 Samuel, especially chapters 10 and 11, you’ll see that Saul’s life and behavior changed. It took a little convincing, as even after his encounter with Samuel, he tried to hide. Hiding didn’t work for him. He was discovered trying to avoid the inevitable by hiding himself among some equipment. This tactic was ridiculous, as he was taller than almost everyone around him. He was easy to spot.
There have been times that I have behaved like Saul. I’ve had a word from God, and even though I knew it was from God, I attempted to hide from the inevitable. It never works for me. Like Saul, I eventually end up being discovered. When Saul took his place as king in 1 Samuel 10, he went from being a shy, reluctant leader to a king in control. (Yes, he later went sideways and that’s a topic for another day.)
“Therefore they inquired of the Lord further, ‘Has the man come here yet?’ And the Lord answered, ‘There he is, hidden among the equipment.’ So they ran and brought him from there; and when he stood among the people, he was taller than any of the people from his shoulders upward. And Samuel said to all the people, ‘Do you see him whom the Lord has chosen, that there is no one like him among all the people?’ So all the people shouted and said, ‘Long live the king!’” 1 Samuel 10:22-24 NKJV
Donkeys are just distractions
The point is that, like Saul, many of us have spent time looking for lost donkeys. We, like Saul, are meant for royalty (see 1 Pet. 2:9), but we find ourselves spending too much time running down little rabbit trails. These trails seem important at the time, like the donkeys were to Saul, but they distract us from our main purpose, which is bringing God’s kingdom to the world.
There have been times when I’ve taken detours looking for donkeys that appear more important than planting churches. It’s then that I once again find myself asking the question, “What am I doing here?” This is not a glorious calling, nor does it naturally garner a lot of support. Planting churches doesn’t seem to be as necessary as establishing larger community outreaches. It doesn’t have the emotional “umph” of other outreaches. Isn’t it enough to pray over a lesson, over a student, over a patient? Aren’t there enough churches? Chasing those donkeys can take us far from where we ought to be.
No apologies are necessary
Church planting is our call, and I’ve finally given up apologizing for it. While some are called to open hospitals and universities, our grace lies in the planting of local churches. We always find ourselves among the poorest, and that is where we plant churches. God’s given us the vision to see 1,000+ churches planted on the continent and even in nations beyond. We believe that God’s arm is extended to the world through the local church.
We love starting churches from scratch that grow by reaching out to surrounding communities with activities that address the felt needs of those around us. In Malawi, for example, those types of activities include community health teaching, football games for youth, and adult vocational training, to name a few. The needs faced here differ from those found abroad. But to touch people and gain their trust, we need to speak to areas where they feel a need, and this is exactly what we do.
It all falls into place
Once we have established ourselves in communities, the rest falls into place naturally. Not only are churches born but from the churches come the “classic” outreaches we so long to see: schools, adult education, leadership academies, etc. The difference we see in working this way is that the spiritual covering and growth that the churches provide offer a solid foundation for all that comes afterward. If the foundation is not solid, how can we hope for churches and outreaches that will live beyond us?
What makes this kind of mission difficult is the time that it takes to see these things come to pass. We are now many years into planting churches (we moved to Africa in 1987 and planted our first church in 1992) and are just now beginning to see an acceleration in growth.
It’s not meant for your time and attention
Yes, I’ve been guilty of chasing donkeys and asking the question, “What am I doing here?” all too often. I’ve chased those things that I think would “enhance” or, in some way, speed up the process of what we’re doing. The problem was, however, that in chasing those donkeys, I got sidetracked, and my progress was hindered. Let the donkeys take care of themselves in whatever you’re doing. As Samuel said to Saul, “The donkeys you’re looking for have been found” (see 1 Sam. 10:2), meaning that those issues you’re pursuing will take care of themselves; they’re not meant for your time and attention.
Don’t waste valuable time chasing donkeys when you’re meant to be a king. When you do that, you’ll no longer ask that question, “What am I doing here?” for you will have gone from reluctant leader to king.
I too have heard my donkeys calling. I have been distracted and am now directed….
All my love
Tati