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I’ve needed to write this post for a long time and I’ve avoided tackling it for far too long. So, for those of you who are up for a challenge, read on! Those who know me, or those who have spent any time reading posts here on A Cultural Shift, have likely noticed a common theme that has made its way into what I write: the importance of growing in your relationship with God. I think it is about time that I talk about the practical “nuts and bolts” of how to grow. It’s all well and good to say we need to grow. However, growth takes effort.

There are many amazing resources on this subject and I won’t try to reinvent the wheel. I simply want to share what has worked for me. I will mention a few things. They have been valuable in my quest to get closer to God. These resources have been essential in my journey. My own experiences and learning from others have also contributed along the way. They have helped me grow from wanting to have a relationship with God to actually connecting with Him. When I took the first step towards God, He helped me to not just want to be connected to Him. He gave me the ability to do it.

First growth

I have been a Christian for a very long time. As great as that sounds, I’m sad that I spent a number of those years just existing. My faith was a weekend thing and my Bible served as a prop when I went to church. There wasn’t much difference between how I related to God post-salvation than there was pre-salvation. I kept things simple and figured that God understood my busy life. My faith was reserved for weekends and special services. The rest of the time I lived as I wanted to live.

Over time, I wondered if there wasn’t more to being a Christian than just going to church. I felt hungry, not for food but for a real relationship with God. When I went to church, I started to listen, really listen, to what was being said. When there was a special service, I went. If volunteers were needed, I was in. I wanted to know Who God was and if He could be to me Who I had heard He was to others: a Father and Friend.

A turning point

Thankfully, I chose good friends. I also chose to go to a good church . My aunt and uncle (George and Pirjo Amato) had a lot to do with that so a big shoutout to them! The church’s youth group was growing at the time and my faith grew into more than a weekend duty. I found myself connecting with God deeply. This was a major turning point in my life.

As it is with any relationship, connecting and staying connected to God takes effort. I’ve been married to my husband Jamie for almost 40 years (how is that even possible?). I loved him deeply when I married him. Now, after all this time, I can see the love I had for him when we first married was a very small fraction of the love I feel for him today. Our love has grown because we both wanted, and still want, to have a great relationship. It has been work, but it has been worth it.

While our marriage isn’t perfect, it’s a good analogy of how the same principles apply when we want to have a relationship with God. He wants to have a relationship with us and has made Himself available to us. Thankfully, God is perfect so if there’s a problem, we know where to look! He is also patient, forgiving, and gentle. He never gives up on us while we, on the other hand, have often been guilty of giving up on Him.

The “periodic table of relationships”

I took some time before writing this post to make notes of what I’ve found to be necessary in a relationship for it to be successful. Growing together in a relationship isn’t complicated, it’s work. And that is where the rub is. I’ve listed some things below that are needed for relationships to grow. I’ve decided to call this the “periodic table of relationships.” (An obvious play on words with the scientific table.) I’m sure there are more points than what I’ve listed here. However, I feel this might be a good place to start.

• Love – defined simply (because I need simple) is affection, fondness, admiration, etc. It is a word that has different levels of application. The love I feel for my husband is not the same kind of love I feel for a good friend. In addition to being a feeling, love is a decision. I love my children, even when they have forgotten to do an assignment for school or when they have lied to me. Love is based on our choices more than our feelings. When I said, “I do” to Jamie, I was saying “I do” to loving even when the feelings were absent. God loves us unconditionally, I don’t think the same can always be said about our love for Him. This is part of the breakdown we have in our relationships with Him. Our love ebbs and flows according to how we feel. How well has God met our needs, answered our prayers, or done what we think is right. When we are disappointed, when we feel He hasn’t done what we felt was right, we withhold our love from Him. This is a recipe for a failed relationship. To grow in our relationship with God, we have to choose to love even when we don’t understand.
• Faith – is what we live by (see Hab. 2:2; Rom. 1:17) and is what holds our relationship with God together. Faith is also deeply connected to faithfulness (click on the link for a great message on the subject). It’s for this reason that these two elements go together in our periodic table. I can’t have faith in God without believing that He is faithful. I can’t have faith in God unless I love Him and have faith that He loves me. How much faith do we have in God and His faithfulness to us? Our lips will say we trust God but our words and actions speak otherwise. It’s also important to note that without love, our faith won’t work. Galatians 5:6 NKJV tells us plainly, “For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision avails anything, but faith working through love.“ If we don’t have our love for God in order, our faith in Him and His faithfulness will be found lacking.
• Time – it takes time to get to know someone. When I first met Jamie, he and I made time to get to know one another. At first, it was easy to make time for one another. But, as time went on and we became familiar with one another, we had to work harder at making time for one another. With God, He is always ready to be with us. We, on the other hand, find reasons to spend less, not more, time with Him. Moses’ life is a great example of how we need to take time with God to grow in relationship with Him. Moses had several encounters with God before he led Israel out of Egypt (read about Moses’ life in Exodus 2 and 3). He apparently knew about God long before he led Israel out of Egypt. Later on, Moses’ relationship with God was so close, he was considered to be God’s friend (see Exodus 33:11). He had to learn how to have conversation with God. Conversation is a give and take interaction between individuals. It took time for him to cultivate that kind of connection with God. Think about it, he was leading the nation of Israel for 40 years in a wilderness. That was a lot of time he had to learn how to talk with God. Taking the time to learn how to communicate isn’t easy but it leads to understanding and great relationships.
• Communication – honest communication is to a relationship what oil is to an engine. Without oil, engines will get stuck and ultimately stop working. Communication makes the engine of a relationship run smoothly. It’s not easy to hear someone point out weaknesses. When we communicate with God we have to realize that He knows more than we do. He sees the end from the beginning, we don’t. He has invited us to talk in Isaiah 1:18 NCV “The Lord says, ‘Come let us talk about these things…” Talking with God begins with understanding that He already knows what is going on in our lives and has heard our thoughts and conversations. There’s nothing that is hidden from Him (see Ps. 139:7). The Bible tells us to pray without ceasing, we can do this when we realize that we live in God’s presence daily. As we live, our lives are lived in a constant attitude of prayer. He, in turn, speaks to us internally through a thought, impression, through other people, He is always speaking to us. However, the main form of communication God has with us is through His Word, the Bible. It is in our spending time with God in His Word that He speaks to us through a verse or specific passage. He will often remind us of what we’ve read or heard spoken from His Word when dealing with people or situations. We won’t know what He has said unless we take time to read His Word and listen to Him.
• Humility – I put humility on the heels of communication because humility is needed if we’re going to have successful communication. Everyone wants to be right, but we all know (if we’re honest) that no one, besides God, is right 100% of the time. It takes humility to listen to and understand someone. It takes humility to recognize where we have messed up. It’s taken years for me to humble myself, I guess I’m a slow learner. I have had to learn how to be humble and understand that I could be wrong. My opinion isn’t infallible and it’s very possible that my position is wrong. It takes humility to say, “I see that I am wrong here, please forgive me.” This kind of humility will catapult your relationship with God (and anyone else for that matter) to new heights. Humility isn’t in saying “I’m sorry but.” Humility is saying “I’m sorry.” Humility is the antithesis of pride. When we struggle to humble ourselves, we will struggle in relationship. In fact, the greatest in the Kingdom of God are the humble (see Matt. 18:4). Being humble is a reflection of our faith in God, trusting that He is faithful and loves us and wants what is best for us, even when we don’t understand.
• Commitment – commitment is the cement that holds our love for those we are in relationship with together. I’m committed to Jamie and he is committed to me and I’m confident that nothing can shake our commitment to one another. When storms come and I’m not feeling the love, I remember my commitment. God, in a greater measure, is committed to us. He proved His commitment by sending His Son. His commitment and love together paved the way for our salvation. The love of God, His commitment to us, is never-ending. Romans 8:38,39 is clear on this subject. It says that there’s nothing that can ever separate us from God’s love. God loves us and loves this world . He is committed to us even when our commitment to Him is faltering.

Putting it all together makes it work

The Scientific Periodic Table of Elements is a table of elements used in daily life. The well-known element of oxygen is one we can’t live without. We need oxygen to breathe, and to survive. In the same way that scientists refer to the Periodic Table in understanding the world around us and how it works, we must understand God’s periodic table of elements for relationship for our relationship with Him to survive.

Putting all of these elements together is what helps us live and breathe in God’s presence. God is not limited by them and, like with the natural periodic table, can add to them . Just when you think you have everything together, God will add another element to His relationship with you. When He does that, your connection to Him and understanding of Him grows.

Practically speaking

My life has a rhythm to it and it revolves around my relationship with God and how He wants me to relate to Him and others. Hint: God loves us and wants us to love others. It’s that simple when it comes to being connected. God is a family man. He loves the whole world just like He loves us. If we can’t comprehend God’s all-encompassing love for the world, our relationship with Him will be very shallow. It is His overwhelming love for this world that gives purpose to everything we do and live for. Ask God to help you understand His love for others so your relationship with Him can grow stronger.

So what is it that I do to keep my relationship with God fresh? Here’s a short (kind of) list of things I do that have helped me over the years. Hint: a lot of what I do has to do with SOAP.

• Reading the Bible daily – there’s nothing that feeds my heart and spirit like God’s Word. Sometimes I don’t fully understand what I’m reading but I read it anyway. I do read many books, but before I read any book, I take up God’s Word. I measure everything else by the Bible. There are so many options out there when it comes to reading the Bible. You can find many on the well-known YouVersion Bible app. I have followed several of their yearly plans as well as other, shorter and more specific plans. Personally, my favorite plan is the Life Journal by Wayne Cordeiro. You can find this plan by clicking on the previous link. You can also find it in his book The Divine Mentor . It is in reading the Bible, and not just reading it, but entering into it and digesting it that you begin to go from reading a book to reading God.
• Journaling – in the book, The Divine Mentor, Wayne Cordeiro introduces the acronym SOAP. It stands for Scripture, Observation, Application, and Prayer. When I read the Bible, I have a notebook and pen on my lap. I pay attention and actively look for a Scripture that speaks to me. Sometimes, a scripture comes out quickly. Other times, it isn’t so obvious and I have to look for what God is saying that day. I then write the verse(s) down in my notebook and take time to Observe and consider what this might mean and how to Apply it to my life. Then, I’ll Pray over what God has shown me. My journaling isn’t always simple. I have written many pages at once and at other times I’ve only written a few lines. There are no rules. In my journal, I will also record prayer requests and answers to prayer. This helps me remember what God has done in my life. I have so many used journals! From them I draw encouragement by looking over my entries and remembering God’s faithfulness over the years. SOAP is my favorite go-to during my devotional time, it’s easy to remember, easy to do, and produces results.
• Praying – you’re noticing here that a lot of these points overlap. When I’m reading and journaling, I’m praying and when I’m praying, I’m remembering what I’ve read and praying over those words. To keep in the spirit of what works for me (i.e., simple) prayer is talking with God. It’s an ongoing conversation that I have with Him all day long. Yes, there are times I direct specific prayers towards God privately (during my Bible reading time in the morning), with my family or friends, or at a prayer meeting. No matter when I am praying, I speak with God openly, honestly, and I speak with Him regularly. My prayer life has grown from a few minutes here and there to consciously speaking with God throughout the day. Because the subject is as broad as it is, a great resource is The Essential Guide to Prayer: How to Pray with Power and Effectiveness by Dutch Sheets.
• Gathering – together with other Christians. We aren’t out of this world yet. Right now, we live in this world and our calling is to reach the world with God’s love. At the same time, living in this world is hard and can drain us. It is for this reason gathering together with others, our spiritual family, is so important. In church, we hear the Word of God preached, in home meetings and visiting with Christian friends, the discussion often will move to the spiritual. It is at times like these that we grow and change. Proverbs 27:17 NKJV says “as iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” We help one another stay sharp, strong, and aware of our surroundings. There are those who say they don’t need church because it is full of hypocrites. Well, my response to that is that even hypocrites have to go somewhere! Our hope isn’t in the church, it is in God; don’t be fooled into thinking it isn’t important, it is. Hebrews 10:25 NKJV says “not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.” The church is full of imperfect people (like me) who won’t be perfect until they step into eternity. But we still need one another to grow. Perhaps in our pride we have forgotten how imperfect we ourselves are when judging others. Find a church where you can fit in, humble yourself, and serve. It won’t be perfect, but you will grow.
• Worshipping – this, too, is something that mixes in with all of the other disciplines of growth. Those of us who’ve been in the church world for a while have heard about the “worship service” the “song service” or “praise and worship.” None of these are incorrect. It is incorrect to assume that worship is only found in those times when singing together in a service. Don’t misunderstand me, I love worship music! I have learned songs in languages of Africa, America, France, and Finland. I love them all – but worship is far more than a song. Worship is prizing or valuing something above anything else. God is worth more than anything we could possibly offer Him. He chose to stoop down to our level and save us, this love goes beyond our understanding. Worship is more than what we say, worship is a lifestyle. Colossians 3:23 NKJV tells us “whatever you do, do heartily as unto the Lord.” In other words, “whatever you do, do it with all your strength for Him.” Isn’t this true worship? A song service on the weekend lasts 30 minutes if you are in the USA, one hour or more if you are in Africa. Neither is enough to tell of how worthy God is. Romans 12:1 NCV states “So brothers and sisters, since God has shown us great mercy, I beg you to offer your lives as a living sacrifice to him. Your offering must be only for God and pleasing to him, which is the spiritual way for you to worship.” Worship, like prayer, is an all-day, every day activity. While it takes time to change your mindset, the more you worship the more you will grow.
• Winning – others will bring you closer to God than you thought possible. Why? Because when you win a soul , you are connecting with God’s heart, with what He values. A relationship isn’t all about what can you give to me. A relationship is also about what can I give to you. We love God. He is our Father and as our Father, He delights in blessing us and caring for us. But there comes a time when a child grows up that the child begins to give back to the Father. If all we want from our faith is what we can get out of it, we will end up like spoiled and entitled children. Not pleasant at all. Still children, but immature and unable to contribute to the household. God loves us, yes, but His heart is for the world (see John 3:16). We are not all traditional evangelists, but we all live in this world and God has called us to represent Him. When our lives exemplify Jesus, when we lift Him up in the way we live, people are drawn to us (see John 12:32). In this way, as well as others, we can win people, bring them to the Kingdom, to the Father. Have a heart to win, you’ll feel connected to God on a whole new level.
• Discipling – those you win will deepen your understanding of God and His love for the world. As you spend time with a new Christian, “showing them the ropes” as it were, your heart expands. Seeing someone discover all the things we take for granted is exciting. Attending church together and helping someone fit in with the older crowd is vital to helping them grow. Teaching them how to take their first steps as a believer pulls things from you that you never thought were possible. It is possibly the most fulfilling and growth-producing things you can do, I highly recommend it. This is a huge part of personal maturity as a believer. It helps to have a team of people that you’re with to help you as you serve others and help them grow. It’s helpful to have others around you to pray over and answer life’s messy questions. Jesus said He wanted us to not only win souls but also to make disciples (see Matt. 28:19). Winning is pretty easy. Making disciples is what is hard but it is where God’s heart lies and I want to work for what moves God’s heart.

Final thoughts

There’s never a right or wrong time to connect with God. Mornings aren’t spiritually superior to the midnight hours. Choose a time that is right for you every day to wash up with SOAP and connect the elements of relationship so God can strengthen you for this life on earth. Many of us will spend hours on social media, watching or listening to the news, online shopping, or going out to eat. But we struggle to set time aside to grow spiritually.

If we want to see different results, we have to do things differently . If we want to grow, it’s time to change how we live life. I welcome you to come and grow with me. It’s an amazing journey.