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This morning, I woke up feeling tired. As my daughter eloquently put it, “Life has been life-ing.” Reflecting on our work, which we’ve been dedicated to since 1987, I feel not just tired, but spent. While I’ve often been told that people admire what my husband and I do, I feel a bit sheepish when I hear that; I don’t see myself as special. However, this admiration reminds me that I was sent on this journey. But now, there’s more to it than just being sent. I feel both sent and spent.

How did I know?

I remember when I first realized I was called to missions. It was in the early 1980s when my family went to a conference. Young people were asked to write down what they wanted to be when they grew up. Without thinking twice, I wrote the word “missionary ” on my card. I knew that was my life’s calling. How did I know? I don’t know! I just knew.

My high school class took their senior trip to Europe. Me? I opted out of Europe and went on a mission trip to Haiti with my church youth group. I don’t think the trip meant much to those we visited- how much can a person who doesn’t know the language help? But the trip meant everything to me. It sealed in my heart what I had known since my childhood. I was meant for Africa.

There was no bed for me on that trip, I slept on a bed of blankets on a concrete floor in an orphanage. Yes, there were bugs, and I didn’t have a hot shower. But this was the trip my dreams were made of. The team played with the children, we visited churches, and all too soon, it was time to go home. How I cried to stay! None of the discomforts were game changers for me.

In my calling, I felt at home

I never quite fit in anywhere in the USA. As a child of Finnish immigrants who came to the country in the early 1960s, I felt like a misfit at school. The lunches my mom packed, my clothes, and even my plain school supplies made me stand out in a way that wasn’t positive. I often hung out with just one or two friends in a corner of the playground, and I was typically the last person chosen for sports teams. However, during my trip to Haiti in my senior year of high school, I experienced something entirely different. For the first time, I felt like I belonged somewhere. I felt at home.

It wasn’t until a few years later, after I met and married my husband, that God released us to serve on the mission field. But when He did let us go, we didn’t look back. Both of us relished in the romance of mission service. We had made it!

Feeling sent and spent

Years have passed since those early days when we all cared about getting to the field. Since then, we’ve been kicked around a few times and experienced the highs and lows of this calling. This year marks our 38th year on the field. I guess it’s too late for a career change 🤣. But I can tell you, there have been times when a career change would have been appreciated.

I remember when we lived through the war in Burundi in the 1990s. It was a difficult time filled with uncertainty. Many people questioned why we chose to stay in such a situation. Even today, I find it hard to explain. What I felt back then was a calling. Just as I had felt called to go as a young child, I also felt called to stay in Burundi during the war.

During those challenging times in Burundi, even while standing in what I believed God had called me to do, I felt both sent and spent.

Not looking behind, but ahead

Life has been this way for me. I haven’t been able to ignore the call that keeps me grounded. It gives me the strength to stay on my path, even on days when I wake up feeling tired and spent, like I did today. Knowing that I’ve been true to my calling is enough for me. It’s a difficult lesson to learn, but it’s one that Paul advised us to embrace when he said:

I do not mean that I am already as God wants me to be. I have not yet reached that goal, but I continue trying to reach it and to make it mine. Christ wants me to do that, which is the reason he made me his. Brothers and sisters, I know that I have not yet reached that goal, but there is one thing I always do. Forgetting the past and straining toward what is ahead

Philippians 3:12,13 NCV

Paul wrote the Book of Philippians while he was imprisoned in a jail cell in Rome. I find this remarkable! The main theme of the book is joy, despite being written from prison. If Paul had the courage to encourage others to forget the past and focus on what lies ahead while in such a difficult situation, then I should find that kind of courage too.

I’ll gladly spend and be spent

Too often, we treat feeling tired or worn out as if we’ve failed — as if exhaustion means we’re doing something wrong. But what if, instead, it’s a sign that we’re actually walking in obedience?

If I’ve truly committed to living out God’s calling for my life, then yes — I will get tired. I will feel poured out. But that’s not a defeat. That’s what faithfulness sometimes looks like. The cost of obedience is often weariness, not because we’re weak, but because we’re giving our all for something eternal.

From spent to rest

But when we are spent, there is a solution. The solution is not taking the burden of the calling on ourselves, but releasing it. We release it because we’re not equipped to carry such a load. Jesus tells us, “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:29 NKJV).

Success in God’s Kingdom isn’t necessarily what we would consider success. Success in God’s Kingdom is being faithful to what we are called to. Understanding this and applying it takes all the stress out of serving God. Whether or not the church you lead has 15 or 500, you are successful if you are faithful to your calling. If your business has 0 or 100 employees, and you are doing it faithfully as your calling, you have succeeded.

God has not called me to be successful. He has called me to be faithful.

Mother Teresa

To those who feel spent today: lay down the burden you’re carrying. You weren’t meant to carry it alone.

Serve the Lord with a light and willing heart — not weighed down, but free. He sees your faithfulness, and He honors your service, and truly, that’s all that matters.