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Today I woke up to my first full day without both parents. It is, I suppose, a normal expectation. All of us will likely outlive our parents. At least we hope it will happen that way. My father, who passed away yesterday, outlived his son, my brother, by ten years. Matthew’s passing was an event that marked him (and me) for the rest of his life. Not long after he died, dad had what we thought was his first stroke (I think Matt’s death was its catalyst). We later learned he had already had several smaller strokes. It was painful to see the grief on his face for those years. He tried to put on a brave front, but we all knew that the sting of losing Matt always hovered beneath the surface.

God understood his pain

When I think of the pain that Dad, and others who have lost their children, had to endure, my heart hurts. The only thing I was ever able to say to my father that helped soothe the sting of losing Matt was telling him that God understood his pain. God lost His Son as well when He gave His life for us (see John 3:15-17). When we remember that He, too, endured the pain of losing a child, we can take comfort.

Processing grief has left its mark on me as well. When a parent grieves for their lost child, we who remain push our own grief to the side and let it simmer beneath the surface, out of concern for the parent. At least that’s what I did. Now that dad is gone, I woke up this morning remembering Matt, my mother, and father. The grief for all three of them washed over me. Suppressed tears are finally finding their way out.

The touch up option

Hebrews 10:35,36 ESV “Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.”

Life has a way of throwing us around like clothes in a dryer. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to the things that are making us tumble. But, if we can keep our confidence, our trust in God, front and center we’ll have the strength to endure. We’ll come out of the heat whole, without wrinkles (I love the “touch up” option on dryers).

Shifting what lies beneath the surface

Confidence is what helps us endure. Confidence in God’s presence and power to see us through. It’s easy to throw that confidence away when the heat is on. The heat has been turned up in my life and I know the only One Who has the ability to see me through these times of pain, is God. He alone can make grief into something beautiful.

Through the tears this morning I can already sense a shift. The years of sadness lingering beneath the surface will eventually shift to a place of peace. To make it through to that place, I need endurance. And that will only come if I don’t throw away my trust, my confidence, in God.

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